why I need to stop drinking.

(yes, that's me. with a budzilla. I don't want to talk about it.)

I could basically write a tome about all the reasons I need to cut back on my alcohol consumption. if you know me, you know that I drink (and often cuss) like a sailor. I'm a firm believer that everyone has a "kicker" substance, something that once they try it, they find it's the perfect fit, and don't ever want to stop. some people, unfortunately, find that to be heroin. I would say a good lot of people are content with weed. for me, liquor was it. at age 15, I knew I would be imbibing spirits for the rest of my life.

this affinity for hooch has made me notorious for being, well, a total lush. I am consistently named in online surveys as the "friend you drink with." and I was proud of that. for a while.

you see, now that I'm out in the "real world," I drink every day. it used to be that I'd spend the weeknights studying, or, when I was living with my parents, watching TV and passing out at 10 pm. since I've moved in with the Stairmaster, life has been all rainbows and pinot grigio. more often than not, I can't remember how I ended up in bed when I wake up the next morning.

in no way has this problem manifested more than DRUNKEN FACEBOOKING. oh yeah, you all know what I'm talking about. I've found recently that I've left messages:

- yelling at people for not watching movies with me (?)
- incessantly asking people for their addresses to send them invites to the WEEEDDDINNGGG (gross)
- outwardly making fun of family members (okay, moderately funny)
- giving very poor reasons whilst trying to explain why I didn't call someone on their birthday (I suck)
- admitting that I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown and cry incessantly (crap)

and of course, many of these sad attempts at communication were, you know, misspelled.

there's nothing really quite as mortifying as alcohol-related guilt. maybe when you were stoned you said some dumb things, but mostly, your statements were just insanely obvious, slowly vocalized, and bookended by giggles. on cocaine, everything you said was so brilliant, so genius when you thought of it, it amazed you. although most likely, whoever you were talking to wasn't listening, because they were just wishing you would shut the hell up, because you thought you were so goddamn smart when really you were just reiterating something you heard on that stupid wolf blitzer show.

but the whole not knowing what you said thing is really scary. the internet leaves, essentially, a click-trail for you to follow, read the insanity you typed, and gasp in horror. it was a lot simpler when all you had to do was assume you left some slurred message on your friend's answering machine, and call them with a half-assed apology, while remaining once removed from your moronic comments.

so I have to stop drinking. not because I'm missing work, or because I'm on my fourth dui. not because it's bad for my liver, not because it makes me beat the children. but because of the internet.